Is there anything one can do to prevent infidelity in their marriage? Is there an underlying cause which causes the breakdown of marriages? There are several things which can cause the breakdown of a marriage. but none are greater than the lack of self control. Notice the words the apostle Paul gave to all those who are married, and their responsibility one to another. “Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer: and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency” (1 Cor. 7:3-5).
All of us who are aware what is happening today, are aware of the fact that many marriages are breaking up. Even God’s people are not immune. Yes, how many preachers have been caught up in such! Infidelity is a basic factor.
Affairs don’t just happen. Usually it comes down to three factors: Loneliness, monotony; and the failure to communicate one with another their true feelings, desires, and needs.
Paul points to the power of a mate over the others body. The sexual drive is a powerful force that each healthy, functional relationship possess. Sexual desire is not abnormal, and is not a sin inside a God given marriage. Satan, the adversary of man, is mindful of this rightful need and will seek to move us to act outside the God-approved way to meet this need, moving us to sin.
Married couples are forbidden to defraud one another. In other words, to be blunt, they are not to withhold sex from each other. “Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time. . . . ” There is to be mutual consent, and the time is to be short, and such is to be practiced with a specific purpose, so that each may be participating in a spiritual activity: prayer and fasting. There is a basic need for sexual satisfaction. When such is not experienced, the evil one will step in and “tempt” one to seek that satisfaction in an unlawful affair.
Communication is a very basic activity essential to continued growth in the marriage relationship. All young couples need to learn to communicate early in their marriage if it is to be successful. Learn how to express your likes and dislikes early, while you can do so without making the other angry. If you wait too long, till difficulties arise, then you will be unable to discuss them; communication is to be an ongoing activity, growth in the skills, in confidence that you can express intelligently what you feel, like, want, etc. Don’t stop talking and listening to one another! Express your lack of satisfaction. Try to find what your mate needs. Try to satisfy each other in the relationship, and be satisfied only when they are satisfied!
Priorities must be clearly made: Serving God, relative to my mate, should be taken care of before I proceed to carrying out my other duties. Realistically, if I allow other things to keep me from doing my duty and my mate becomes involved with another, nothing that I achieve is going to compensate for the pain and hurt to both of us.
Adjustments must be made, as we grow older, wiser, and more mature. Changes will occur, perhaps unconsciously, but the situation will change, too, demanding adjustments from us.
Recognize temptations and run from them (1 Cor. 6:18-20). Help the mate avoid tempting situations, developing a conscious awareness of the “power” factor in one’s sexuality.
Realistically, we can’t expect to “experience” the cloud nine-feeling in every act in the marriage. If we have such expectations, then we’ll grow weary, and begin looking for such potential experiences with another, and another, etc. We all need to be reminded that sexual desire is not love, but rather a need which is fulfilled inside a loving marriage.
There are many contributing factors which can convince one to be unfaithful to their spouse. It takes two to make a good marriage, but even one can make it bad. Even so, even an innocent partner can contribute unwillingly, ignorantly, unwittingly to their spouse’s infidelity.
God has said, “Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, commits adultery: and whoso marries her which is put away doth commit adultery” (Matt. 19:9). 1 don’t think that is too hard to understand. However, it may be very hard to accept. The Scriptures also say: “And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife” (1 Cor. 7:10-11).
It is still possible for one to forgive infidelity and save their marriage. Such forgiveness can even save the soul of your cheating spouse, their lover, and even yourself. It won’t be easy to forgive such a breach of trust, but it is possible.
If we desire to avoid infidelity, we need to remember that marriage is a partnership. It takes two to make a marriage work. It ultimately takes two to make it fail.